Flying Solo - My Mom's Post-Divorce Work Journey

From the time I was 8 until my early 20’s, my mom was self employed. Not in a way that felt freeing for her, it wasn’t an exciting leap of faith. Having a business was not a dream of hers. It was a practical, intentional choice she made after divorce.

As can often be the case for people who are stay home parents and then shift to work outside the home, she considered going back to the career she had previously. She had been a flight attendant, and while she could have returned to that job, going back to flying would mean she would be on call and gone often. It was not on the table. Not only could she not afford child care for those stretches, she would have missed out on being present for us, which was her number one priority. She started her own business cleaning homes, instead

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Transitioning to Self Employment

My mom emerged from the divorce starting over in a tough financial and emotional place. She was also fiercely determined to support my sister and I. She took notes for students with vision impairments at the local community college to earn some money. I remember going with her and sitting in the classroom as an elementary school girl observing college classes, wide eyed and shy. It was a very early exposure to what work could look like, and instilling the importance of service oriented jobs.

Before settling on working for herself, she looked into administrative jobs and decided against them because of the schedule. Cleaning homes was something she could do with the resources she had, a car and some cleaning supplies. Of the utmost importance to her was that she could choose her hours -namely starting after dropping us off at school and finishing before picking us up. She started off cleaning homes for friends, and grew her business through referrals. Over the course of over 14 years she had a business that while physically demanding and low paying, supported what was most important to her.

Business Ownership

Mom took her work seriously. She was on time, cleaned thoroughly and took pride in her work. I remember her reading the book Do I Dust or Vacuum First? and talking over the strategies with us. She’d save cans and newspapers, taking them to the recycling center where they’d pay by weight and she’d use the money to take us to The Street of Dreams showcase of luxury homes. Mom would do a running commentary on how difficult those jacuzzi tubs and vaulted ceilings would be to clean!

Over the summers, when my sister and I were too young to stay at home alone, we would go with my mom to the homes she cleaned. Usually the owners weren’t home, so it was about 6 hours of sitting each day for my sister and I - watching television (exciting when people had cable and we could watch MTV!), reading, playing board games, bickering. Some of her clients became our family friends. There was a woman we saw every Monday who became a kind of strict grandmother to us, who introduced me to the ins and outs of crossword puzzles (to this day something I love to do) and sometimes took us out for a cafeteria style lunch (an incredible treat).

While we were entertaining ourselves, we also were watching how my mom worked; with integrity, making real connections and keeping a sense of humor.

Her Why

While being present for us was the driving force of her life, she also made it very clear she had expectations - we were to graduate from college. Though she could not financially pay for my sister’s and my’s education, she would make sure we had her love and support. To make it to and through college, I started working at the age of 15, as soon as I could get a worker’s permit. This work paid off not only in gaining experience and taking out less loans, but also in securing this dream of my mom’s. Mom was goofy a lot, but at our college graduations she was happy.

After I graduated I had an offer to work as an assistant in an HR firm, making twice as much as my mom made - which wasn’t very much. My mom was not excited about this option for me. She wanted my sister and I to aim higher, believed our education would support us in a brighter and more secure future. When it came down to a decision between that job and doing a temp job at Nike, she was an advocate for the Nike job and the possibility for growth it held, even though it wasn’t permanent. She saw all her work to that point invested into the start of my own career.

My Connection

So why write about this now?

As I’ve started working with more and more people who are finding what’s next for their work life after divorce, my mom’s journey comes to mind. I was immensely shaped by her choices. I carry it in my DNA, in my heart. I have empathy for the identity transformation and survival fears that come with this kind of big life change. My mom’s intentionality about her priorities made a huge impression; her creativity, her determination, and her decisions that led both of us to careers that hold a lot of empowerment and pride.

When going through a divorce, there are simply choices one didn’t have to make before that crossroad and the choices are weighty. Not every person’s journey will be self employment, but that there’s confidence, clarity and possibility available in committing to one’s greatest priorities is hopeful, and one of my mom’s many legacies.

Thanks Mom. 💛